Secrets and Guys
by RoswellMyHeart
Summary: Is Liz delusional or has her mind been tempered with? Her thoughts are no longer hers. Her words don't come out right. And What's with the constant tears?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own roswell, nor do i own the amazing characters. Im simply a fan trying to keep the show alive.

Note: Enjoy, feel free to write reviews. i love reading feedbacks.

Max opened the door of Michaels apartment and he and Isabel walked in. He saw Michael and Maria asleep on one couch, than he spotted Kyle and Liz on the other couch sleeping. Her face was buried in his chest, and he held on to her as if he were protecting her from the outside world. The sound of the door closing startled Liz and she woke up. The sudden movement of her body awoke Kyle. They both looked towards the door in fear, only to find Max and Isabel standing in front of it. Liz could see the panic on Isabel's face, and with one look at Max she knew something was wrong.

"Hey Max", said Liz with a worried look on her face.

"Hey", said max. Only the way he said it was different than how he usually greeted her. Liz knowing he was upset ignored it.

The sound of them talking awoke Michael.

"What happened,"? Asked Michael

"We told them everything" said Isabel.

"So…" asked Michael. "What the hell are they going to do"?

"I don't know" said Isabel.

"What the hell do you mean you don't know," said Michael.

Liz looked over at Max, "are you ok," she asked.

Max ignored her question.

"Everything is going to be ok," said Liz. "I think your Parents just need sometime to process all this new information".

"Shut up Liz, everything is not going to be ok shouted Max," directing his anger towards her. His tone scared her and she jumped a little. The look he gave her sent chills running down her spine. He had never looked at her that way before. She could feel the tears fighting its way out her eyes. But she wasn't going to give in, not right here. Not in front of everyone. He didn't usually speak to her that way and she didn't know where it was coming from. She knew he was upset but that was no excuse for the way he was treating her.

"What the hell man," said Kyle to Max. "She was just trying to help don't talk to her that way".

"Its none of your business how I speak to my girlfriend" said Max.

"It is when you're treating her like crap" said Kyle.

Before they could finish their argument Liz grabbed her purse and ran out of the apartment.

"What the hell man," said Kyle to Max, running out the door after Liz.

"What the hell is your problem Maxwell", asked Michael. "You're going to let Kyle go after her. If you don't go after her right now you're going to lose her. She loves you man but you cant keep treating her like crap and expecting her to stick around forever".

"Maybe it would be better for her to be with kyle", said Max.

"Don't give me that crap Maxwell," said Michael. "She doesn't want Kyle and you know that."


	2. Chapter 2

A puzzled Liz stood crying outside of Michael's apartment waiting for her ride as she struggled to replay the events that just took place inside. She felt a cool breeze hit her face, and she went to put on her jacket when she realized she didn't know where it was. Of all the days for it to be cold in Roswell, it figures it would happen the one day it was the least convenient. She assumed she left it inside of Michael's apartment, but refused to go back inside and get it. She wasn't going to let her self break down in front of everyone.

"Are you ok?" she heard a voice whisper behind her.

"Yeah." said Liz, with tearful eyes and a shaky voice. But it was obvious she wasn't. She was trembling, and her beautiful face was covered in tears, and it made Kyle sad to see her this way.

"What's going on with you and Max?'' wondered Kyle.

"I don't know", mumbled Liz. "Its like he's changed. I didn't even do anything. He drives me crazy. Nothings ever simple with him. I can't take it anymore" she said, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes.

Before she could say anything else, Kyle pulled her to him and the next thing she knew she broke down in his arms. They stayed like that, with her face buried in his neck, and tears running down her face until she looked up and saw Max walking towards them.

"I'm here for you Lizzie." said Kyle. "Whenever you need me."

"Thanks Kyle" said Liz, as she broke their hug. " But I have to go, I can't deal with this right now. I'll talk to you later ok" she said before running away.

"Let me at least give you a ride" Kyle suggested, running after her.

"No" said Liz, "its ok, I already have a ride."

"Do you want me to wait with you,"? Kyle asked.

She was about to say yes until she noticed Max approaching them.

"Its ok, really I'm fine" Liz assured Kyle. "I just need to be alone right now." That was all she could say before max interrupted them.

"Liz," said Max.

"What do you want" asked Liz, before walking away.

"I want you to talk to me" demanded Max.

"I thought you wanted me to shut up," said Liz sarcastically.

"Liz, please just talk to me" said max with a soft voice.

"I don't have anything to say to you" said Liz calmly, I am not going to talk to you, not after the way you just spoke to me back there.

"Fine", shouted max, "walk away."

"What the hell is wrong with you," said Liz raising her voice, her face now turned towards him. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what," asked Max.

"Trying to pick a fight with me," accused Liz.

"'I'm not picking a fight with you," shouted max. "How would you like it if you saw me asleep with another girl?"

"What the fuck are you talking about", shouted Liz in confusion.

"I'm talking about you and Kyle," yelled Max. "What the hell was that back there Liz"? "He was all over you."

"Nothing happened" yelled Liz. "We just slept."

"Nothing happened," questioned max, "well you guys looked pretty cozy back there."

"Screw you" shouted Liz, "I'm sick of always biting my tongue and trying to spare your feelings when you obviously don't give a damn about mines. Don't turn this around on me. I didn't do anything. Kyle and I are just friends. I don't feel anything for him. Its not like I slept with him and was carrying his child. You're the one who slept with someone else Max. You're the one who gave up on us. I never wanted anyone else. All I ever wanted was you. But I wasn't enough for you was I? That's why you slept with her. Did you even stop to think about us for a minute before you threw it all away, before you gave up on us, on me? I never wanted to be with anyone but you. Even when we were apart I just wanted you to hold me. I never wanted anyone else's touch. I kept hoping that one day we would get passed it. I couldn't give myself to anyone else even if I tried. I could never be with anyone else. I guess you never felt that way, why couldn't you feel that way about me max? wasn't I worth the wait" she asked, her face now drowning in tears."

"Liz." said Max, reaching for her arms before they were both startled by a blinding light.

"You jumped into bed with her the moment things got rocky between us" said Liz, when she could see again and they realized the light was coming from Sean's car. She pulled away from max's hold and wiped the tears from her eyes

She looked at max for a minute before making her way to Sean's car and said, "you had your fun now I'm going to have mines", leaving him standing there with a confused look on his face.

"Hey parker," said Sean with a smirk on his face when she stepped in the car. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Well, I thought I would take you up on that offer" said Liz, glancing up at him while putting on her seatbelt.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell.**

"Hey parker," said Sean with a smirk on his face when she stepped in the car. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Well, I thought I would take you up on that offer" said Liz, glancing up at him while putting on her seatbelt.

"Hate to break it to you parker but that offer expired months ago" joked Sean smiling down at her. "Liz What wrong?" he asked when he noticed she'd been crying.

"I don't want to talk about it," she replied. All she could think about was her last words to Max. What was she thinking? How could she say that to him. Despite what she implied, she had no intention of being with anyone other than him ever. She wanted so much to just run back out of the car and tell him just that, but as she reached to unbuckle her seatbelt she was startled by a loud banging on the car window.

" Liz, get out of the car, she heard Max shout.

"Sorry Sean" she said, unbucklng her seatbelt. "I think I should just go."

"It's ok Parker," he said.

"I'm so sorry Sean. I know I practically pushed you out of my life when Max and I got back together. I just didn't know what else to say" she admitted, her eyes now filled with unshed tears. "I'm sorry for everything, for all the times I kissed you, for coming to your house at three in the morning to be with you only to break down in your arms over another guy," she cried not being able too hold the tears back any longer.

"Parker, don't cry. I understand" he said. You're in love with Max. The heart wants what the heart wants. You cant make yourself feel something for me just so my ego doesn't get bruised.

Thats the problem Sean, i did feel something for you. Im just not sure what that is she thought to her self. She wanted to tell him but she knew it wouldnt be fair to him. It was irrelevant now. No matter what she might have been feeling for him at one point, it was nothing compared to what she felt for Max everyday. Just the sight of Max made her breath catch in her throat, and one kiss from him made her knees weak. He's the first thing on her mind when she wakes up in the morning and the last thing she thinks about at night when she goes to sleep. And she never told him this but her day never truly began until she saw him. There is no doubt in her heart that she's madly in love with Max Evans.

" I still mean what i said that night" he said, breaking her out of her thoughts. "Whenever you need me im here. Even if you dont feel like talking i'll sit with you until you do. "

"Thank you Sean" she said in a low voice allowing her self to be enveloped in a hug.

She had every intention of getting out of the car and going home with Max, when all of a sudden she felt herself being pulled out of Sean's arms.

"What the hell is the matter with you," she shouted when she realized she'd been pulled out of the car by max.

How did you even get in, asked Sean suspiciously while stepping out of the car." That door was locked."

**Authors Note: Please Review. Let me know what you think. Hope my readers enjoyed this chapter. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell.**

**Note: Thanks for the reviews barbarella-1980, and Chrissienuil :)**

'You had your fun now I'm going to have mines.' Liz's words replayed in Max's head over and over again as he watched her in the arms of another guy. Finally he couldn't take it anymore. With one wave of his hand, he unlocked the door and without any hesitation pulled her out of the car.

"Max!" he heard Liz shout breaking him out of his thoughts. "What are you doing? Let go of me."

"No" he shouted. "What The hell Liz? You're going to sleep with him just so you can teach me a lesson?"

"Max…" she said in a soft voice.

"Fine" he yelled interrupting her, his voice filled with rage. Go ahead and do it. I don't care.

"What? No max" she said shaking her head. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it ok," she cried grabbing his arm when he started to walk away.

"What?" He asked confused. "So you just said it to hurt me. What the hell is wrong with you Liz."

"I'm so sorry Max" she said. "I don't know what's going on with me. I'm having all these feelings and I don't even know what they mean."

"What are you trying to say Liz you have feelings for him?"

"You do?" asked Sean interrupting them from his place by the car.

"I don't know what I'm feeling," said Liz frustrated. "I mean, I have no doubt in my heart that I love you" she said to max, "but…"

"But what?" Max shouted. "You're in love with him too. It doesn't work like that Liz. Make up your mine because I have no interest in sharing you with anyone" he said, before walking away.

As Liz watched Max walk away, she picked up her feet several times to go after him but she couldn't. It was like some unseen force was preventing her from moving forward. Not just tonight but with everything. From forgiving Max for sleeping with Tess, trusting him again, giving herself to him no matter how much she wanted too, and opening her heart to him fully. No matter how much she wanted to make things right with him she couldn't move. She tried to open her mouth to tell him to come back, but even that didn't work. She was angry and frustrated all at the same time. She thought after coming back from Winnaman she and max could put all that happened behind them and start over but she couldn't. She didn't understand what was going on with her. One minute she was in love with max and the next minute she had all these doubts. So she just stood there and watched him walk, and the further he got the more her heart hurt.

**Author's Note: Please Review. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Roswell not mines. :(**

When Maria walked into Liz's bedroom later that night Liz was nowhere to be found. After a couple glances around the room she gave up and was just about to leave, when she was startled by what sounded like a gasping sob coming from the adjoined bathroom. Worried, she quickly made her way inside. The sight before her nearly broke her heart, when she discovered Liz on the bathroom floor curled up in a ball with one hand placed on her chest just above her heart while the other held on to her stomach.

She looked so fragile and hurt that Maria wanted to do some major damage to whoever was responsible.

"Oh my god Liz. What's wrong," she asked, catching her just in time to hold her hair as she sat up and released the contents of her stomach. 'What the hell?,' Maria thought as she comforted Liz. She just saw her this afternoon and besides a little anxiety about how Max's parents were going to handle their secret, she was fine. But than again Maria couldn't be sure considering she and Michael fell asleep leaving only Liz and Kyle who had been engrossed in a conversation all day, up to guard the door. They looked like they'd gotten a lot closer, like they used to be before the complications of Dating, crushes, jealousy, and teenage issues tore them apart. They seemed to be genuinely enjoying each others company. 'What went wrong?' All she heard when she woke up was that Max and Liz got into a fight and she ran off and that Max went after her.

Maria didn't even realize Liz moved from her place on the floor in front of her until she heard Liz ask, "What are you doing here Maria its 1:00 a.m.?"

"Well…, Maria started before trailing off. "Liz, what were you doing with my extremely annoying but lovable cousin? I thought you and Max were trying to work things out."

"We were, we are" Liz corrected, clearly frustrated with herself. " I just don't know anymore Maria."

"What are you talking about Liz? You love Max."

"I do Maria, with all my heart," Liz insisted. "And I wanna forgive him, but its like I cant. Like I have no control over it, like someone wont let me forget."

"Huh, what do you mean someone?"

"Someone, me, my heart, I don't know," Liz mumbled. "I try to forgive him, but its like every time Max and I are getting closer to fixing things I'm reminded of what he did to me, and I lose it. I think about him touching her in a way he's never touched me. Than I start going crazy wondering where he made love to her. If it was full of lust, desire and rushed or slow, tender and passionate. Did he look into her eyes the way his eyes look into mines? Did he declare his love to her? Did he make love to her in his bed?, the same bed that he and I came so close to making love in so many times" Liz asked. Her eyes were now filled with fresh tears but she continued, struggling to keep them down. "I know we weren't together when it happened, but it hurts Maria, it hurts so bad."

"Oh honey," said Maria pulling her into a hug. I'm so sorry this happened. I wish I could fix it for you. Liz, you said someone. Do You think this could be Czechoslovakian related?"

"No Ria, that's ridiculous" Liz thought out loud, pulling out of their hug. "There's nothing otherworldly about a jealous girlfriend with forgiveness issues" Liz continued, causing both girls to giggle.

"You know what, you're probably right" agreed Maria chuckling, before turning serious again. Liz, you know I love you, and that's why I need to tell you this. Yes, Max made a stupid mistake. But you need to forgive him or you need to let him go. Its your decision. Its your heart. You cant keep doing this to him, you cant tell him you forgive him and than keep bringing it up every time you fight. And you will fight, no mater how much you love each other. You and Max know that better than any one. But if you're going to forgive him really forgive him."

"I know you're hurting Liz" she said, hugging her again this time both girls crying simultaneously. "He slept with someone else. I don't even know what I would do in your situation, but its your choice. You don't have to stay with max if you don't want to."

"I love him Maria, I love him so much it hurts. Just the thought of losing him again makes my heart ache. I love him so much I wanna be with him forever," Liz whispered in between sobs.

"I know you do Liz, you and Max belong together. But just because you're meant to be with him doesn't mean you have to be with him now. Forgive him first."

**Authors Note: Hope you all enjoyed, let me know what you think. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Dont own roswell, just taking these Amazing Characters for a spin. :)**

Liz Parker dragged herself out of the shower on Friday morning and perched on the edge of her bed. Every part of her body ached and she knew it was somehow connected to Max. She loved him but this was starting to take a toll on her and for some strange reason she knew exactly what she needed to do to make it all go away. All she had to do was end it with max. If only it were that simple, she couldn't bring herself to go through with it and it was literally killing her. Every morning for the past few days she was ripped from her sleep with a violent headache, and it wasn't unusual for her to wake up sweating, shivering, nauseous or even dizzy. And she didn't know why, but she got an odd feeling that there was someone in the room with her when she woke up this morning. She wanted so desperately to stay in bed but she'd already missed three days of school and her parents were starting to get nosey. 'Thank god they are going out of town for a few days,' she thought to herself.

"Liz, Your dad and I are leaving," the sound of her mother's voice broke her from her thoughts. "Are you sure you're going to be ok here by yourself?"

"Mom, just go. I'll be fine," Liz shouted back.

"Are you sure honey? Both of us don't have to go. I can stay here with you if you're not feeling well."

"I thont vantu to," Liz slurred. Apparently that was another thing she suffered with lately. That and not to mention blurry vision, loss of balance, hallucinations and a loss of appetite. "I don't want you to," Liz corrected. "Really mom, I'm ok"

"Ok. By the way Max called for you again, said for you to call him. Is everything ok honey? Did you guys have a fight? Is that why you're not taking his calls?"

"Mom I'm fine," Liz snapped. "I told you already, it's just cramps. Can't you just leave it alone for once?"

A sigh of relief escaped her lips when she heard her mother step back from the door. She missed Max so much and every part of her yearned for him, to be with him again. Ever since their fight a few nights ago she hasn't seen so much as a glance of him or heard his sweet voice and her body literally ached for his touch. What does that mean anyways, she's gone this long without sleeping with him, why now? Why is it that all of a sudden his hot naked body is all she can think about? It's not like she's ever even seen him naked before, at least not fully. And at night before sleep comes her head is filled with endless fantasies of all the ways he could take her, claim her, and make her his forever. She's desperate to hear his voice, but calling is no longer an option because talking to him would mean taking Marias advice, and that little voice in her head thats practically pushing her to let him go, break their bond, and fight this hold he's had on her since the day he patched a bullet hole 3 inches below her ribs, something her heart just isn't willing to do.

Reluctantly she rose from her bed and got dressed for school. Last night on the phone Kyle offered to give her a lift to school today if she was feeling up to it and she accepted.

As soon as Liz arrived at school she made her way to her locker, she was reaching for a book when she felt his hard body pressed against her back. Her eyes snapped shut and a soft moan escaped her lips at the feel of him pressed against her bottom. Max yanked her roughly into the eraser room and with a firm grip on her hips, pinned her against the door, which only served to get her more worked up than she already was.

"Liz, we need to talk."

At the sound of his husky voice her eyes fluttered open. When her deep, brown pools of chocolate met his golden brown and she looked up at him for the first time in what seemed like forever, her breath caught in her throat and in an instant her lips locked with his in a passionate, fervent kiss. She moaned as she parted her lips and he quickly obliged, devouring her, not waiting a second longer to taste her sweet mouth. But just as quickly as she let him in, she shut him out and before he could say another word her hands gripped the door knob and she was gone.

She ran. She ran until he couldn't possibly see her. She ran until she felt better, until her body no longer ached for his touch, until her heart stopped hurting just a little and she ran until she convinced her heart to let her do the one thing that she truly believed would end all her suffering.

**Authors Note: Sorry about the long wait. Please Please Review. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer 1: Roswell not mines.**

Liz cried all the way home. She cried because she wanted to be with him, she cried because she couldn't, and just when she thought she couldnt possibly shed anymore tears, the sound of his voice on the phone sent her over the edge and she could do nothing to stop the water works.

"Liz?" Max asked. "What's wrong, why are you crying? I'm sorry I kissed you earlier, I thought you wanted me to."

"I did," she blurted out.

"You did?" he asked hopeful.

"More than anything."

"So why'd you run away," he asked softly.

And with those words, reality hit and she was reminded of why she called him.

"Max, what are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"This thing between us, what is it?" We're not happy anymore; all we ever do is fight. We don't even say I love you anymore.

"I do love you Liz and I would rather spend every day of my life fighting with you than making love to someone else. Don't you love me anymore?"

"I do. I never stopped. But I can't do this, it takes too much energy. I'm tired all the time Max," she whispered in between sobs.

"Liz…," he whispered, tears evident in his voice.

"I can't Max. I don't want to be that girl that cries herself to sleep at night anymore. I think we should let go."

"Liz, I won't let you go, I can't."

"Max you have to."

"No Liz, you don't understand. I lost you once I won't do it again."

"Max, please…"

"Liz, where is this coming from? You're leaving me for him, aren't you" he shouted angrily

"No Max, she cried. There's no else, only you. It's only ever been you."

"Liz, I'm sorry I didn't wait for you, I didn't know you had. I never meant to hurt you. I can't live without you. I won't. I don't care if anything happened with you and him or anyone else, it's in the past."

"Max, nothing happened. I just can't do this anymore, its hurts too much. Please just let me go," she pleaded with a shaky voice.

"We can work this out. I know we can. I'll do anything. Don't ever leave me Liz," he begged. She said nothing but her tears told him everything. "I won't let you," he said determined.

For hours they cried into the phone and when there were no more tears left, they listened to the soothing sound of the other breathing.

They stayed silent for hours drifting off to sleep neither of them willing to hang up because it would mean letting go, until Liz broke the silence with a confession that although stated she was letting him go, made him all the more certain that she was it for him and there was no one he wanted to be with other than Elizabeth Parker, the girl who captured his heart the moment he laid eyes on her all those years ago.

"Max", she whispered.

"Liz I…"

"Max don't say anything. Ok? Just let me finish."

"Max, you know when my grandma passed and you gave me a ride home from the hospital, I was so sad. I didn't know how I was going to go on. You were there for me and you told me you would hold me for as long as I wanted, until I was ready to let go. The truth is ever since then you've never let me go. You've had this hold on me for as long as I can remember. Even when we were apart, I couldn't think about anyone else and I wasn't ready to let go. But now I am. I know it's hard and I can't even imagine my life without you in it, but I think I'm ready to let go now and I'm asking you to let me. The truth is I love you so much I would do anything you ask of me no matter the consequence. That scares me more than anything but I know that you love me and you would never use that power you have over me to do wrong. I want you to know that since the first time you ran your fingers through my hair, since the first time your hugs eased my pain & since the first time your kisses took my breath away, i knew there was no one else for me. I love you and even though we cant be together I just want you to know that you're it for me. I know you're the person I'm supposed to be with. I wish we had more time and that it didn't have to end this way but I want you to know that I wouldn't trade the short time we spent together for anything in this world... Goodbye Max."

With that she hung up the phone and prayed to whoever was listening to give her the strength to let go. Not just for her well-being but for his as well, because she had a feeling that if they couldn't let go it wouldn't end well. So while she was trying to let go, he was holding on with hopes that one day their hearts would find each other again and never let go. Because he had a feeling that if they could get over whatever broke them apart this time, their suffering would be over and never would they have to waste another second of their lives apart. Something he was determined to accomplish. He made himself a silent promise that night that if he ever got the privilege of holding Liz parker in his arms again he would never let her go.

**Authors Note: Please Review.**

**Disclaimer 2: There is a short Love Quote i used on here that is not mines. I just thought it was beautiful and the first time i read it i thought of Max and Liz. It normally goes like this: "_Since the first time he ran his fingers through my hair, since the first time his hugs eased my pain & since the first time his kisses took my breath away, i knew there was no one else for me." Author Unknown._**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Don't own Roswell.**

Liz awoke from a peaceful slumber the next morning. For the first time in days, she didn't wake up with a throbbing pain in her head, or any of the other symptoms that threatened to end her life before. Unfortunately, somewhere between making coffee and taking a customer's order at the Crash Down, the reality of a life without Max Evans hit her and she could do nothing to stop the tears. She found herself crying into her pillow and it wasn't long before that brief feeling of hope was replaced with dread, and immediately she was struck with a painful ache in her heart. the feeling was worse than anything her entire body endured the last few days before she said goodbye.

Uncontrollable tears streamed down her face as she went over their conversation on the phone over and over trying to make sense of what she had done. How could she of been so wrong she thought to herself. She didn't want to end things with him but somewhere along the way it's like she had no choice. Last night it was as if she was out of her body watching herself break his and her heart but she was helpless to stop it. Yes, they were her words but it wasn't her decision to pull the plug. Somehow she convinced herself that breaking up with Max would take the pain away but it hadn't occurred to her that the pain would be replaced with an even greater pain. One that no other guy nor time could heal. She needed him the same way she needed air to breathe. Her heart simply refused to live without him, and she didn't want to.

"Liz what's wrong?" Maria asked, sitting on Liz's bed.

"I did it Maria. I broke up with him yesterday but it still hurts, it hurts so much. It won't go away, it's like a piece of my heart has been ripped out," she managed in between sobs.

"Oh honey" said Maria, pulling her best-friend into a hug. "Of course it still hurts. You're in love with him. It's going to take more than one day to feel better, but you'll get through it i promise."

"No Maria!" Liz shouted in frustration. "Something isn't right. I know what it feels like to have my heart broken and this isn't it. It's not supposed to feel this way. I don't think I can live without him Maria. I don't know how to explain it but I feel like I'm drifting away. The further away he is the more it hurts."

"The more what hurts?"

"Here Maria," Liz said placing Maria's hand over her heart. "This isn't normal. It's like my heart can't live without him."

"Do you think it's a side effect of losing him since he saved your life?" whispered Maria.

"No, that's not it, I lost him once remember. This never happened before" said Liz, before informing Maria that the pain was gone for now.

"Wow, this is really weird" whispered Maria, slightly relieved. "But I'm calling your bluff. You said you lost Max before but that couldn't be further from the truth. Even when you were apart you guys never let go. Anyone could tell you were still in love, even with all the shouting."

"Which I'm still convinced is just sexual tension" Maria half-joked, attempting to lighten the mood. This was getting too weird for her, which says a lot considering her on again off again boyfriend is a Czechoslovakian.

"This isn't funny Maria," Liz shouted. "My life is falling apart."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, as soon as the words left her mouth, Liz couldn't stop the giggle that escaped her lips. She nearly fell over laughing so hard, remembering a time when she yelled those exact words to Sean DeLuca.

"Maria, if I tell you something do you promise not to get mad at me for not coming to you sooner" Liz asked, once she regained her composure.

"Spill," was her simple reply.

"Ok, this is really hard to explain. Remember how I told you something or someone was keeping me from forgiving Max?"

"Yeah."

"Well for the past few days ever since Max and I got into that fight, I've been waking up feeling really sick" Liz paused giving her friend a minute to process everything.

"What do you mean?"

"Like I'd get up with a killer headache as if my head had been bashed in and I'd feel really dizzy, and sometimes I could hardly get out of bed. I would wake up sweating or even shaking sometimes for no apparent reason. I couldn't eat but I was always throwing up. I have no record of dreaming either, it's like my mind went blank. And I would wake up with the impression that the only way to make it stop was to break up with Max."

"Oh, sweetie," said Maria tears welling up in her eyes.

"But even before I started getting sick I felt like my actions weren't my actions. Like someone was controlling me, making me see things that weren't true. Like the other day when Max and I got into that fight at Michael's apartment, I got this look from him, filled with rage and hatred. I never saw him look at me like that before. But now I'm not even sure what I saw. And when he yelled at me I couldn't take it I just ran out. When he came outside to find me he just looked hurt and jealous. I told him nothing happened with me and Kyle but he just kept pushing and I snapped. I said something to him that implied I was going to sleep with Sean, when I would never do that to Max. I don't know what came over me. It's like I heard all these hurtful words coming out of my mouth but I couldn't stop it."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like some force was pushing me to break up with him but no matter how much we fought I wouldn't, and that's when I started feeling sick. I fought for as long as I could but every day the pain got worst and I couldn't take it anymore. I gave up Maria," she confessed, fresh tears streaming down her flawless cheeks.

"I gave up on him because I was too weak, the pain became unbearable. Somehow I convinced myself that it would be best for both Max and i if I just ended it. I told him that I was ready to let go and that he needed to let me."

"Oh Lizzie, I'm so sorry you had to go through all this alone. You should have come to me?"

"I'm sorry Maria; I know. It's just after our talk the other night I just thought you were sick of the whole topic of Max and I and I didn't want to burden you."

"What? Liz, are you serious? You're the most special person in this world to me, don't ever think like that."

"I know me too. I just forgot for a minute. But I wasn't alone. Kyle knows."

"You told him?"

"No. Not at first. But Kyle and I have become really close ever since he helped me when Max and I were having problems before, so when he caught me crying one day I felt like I could confide in him. I told him how I felt powerless like I had no control over my actions and how every time Max and I were 'hanging out' I would get these flashes of him and Tess together. That's what we were talking about at Michael's. I was upset and he comforted me. I honestly don't even remember falling asleep in Kyle's arms, but that's exactly how Max found us."

"Wow! So you and Kyle" asked Maria, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"What? Maria did you not hear a word I just said," Liz squealed. "Seriously girl, get your mind out of the gutter. Kyle and I are friends. Besides, you know how I feel about Max," Liz confessed blushing.

"Chill girl, I was only kidding," admitted Maria when she noticed Max standing in Liz's doorway. 'How long has he been standing there,' she wondered. "I know exactly how you feel about Max," she said with a knowing smirk. "So you guys still haven't done the deed yet" she asked, chancing a glance at Max, not warning her friend of his presence. Maybe she was being a little cruel she thought, but there's no way Liz would tell max how she really feels.

"No. But I want to Maria. So bad," she declared. "And not in a school girl crush kind of way either. I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. I wanna make love to him and only him. I wanna lose myself in him, and I wanna feel his hands all over me. I wanna feel him inside me, while he tells me over and over again how much he loves me. Sometimes it's all I can think about," she admitted blushing.

"Really?" asked Maria, grinning with a slight blush. She had never heard her best friend speak this way before.

"Yeah, and I think I'm ready to forgive him for sleeping with Tess. We both made mistakes and it's not fair for me to keep bringing it up. I'm ready to move on and I wanna do it with him, no one else."

"Yeah?"

"Yup," she stated with a firm nod, wiping her tears with the palm of her hands.

"So what are you gonna do about it?"

"I don't know Maria," said Liz contemplating. "What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he really has let me go? And why do you think the pain stopped, she wondered out loud."

"Maybe Max is closer than you think" she hinted, stealing a glance at Max."

**Authors Note: Hope you all enjoyed. Please Review. **


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